Jan
Three Fears I Had About Leaving The Rat Race That Actually Came True (And How I Overcame them)
Photo by Megan*
Fear and doubt are mean, manipulative bullies don’t you think?
They barge uninvited through the swing doors of your rational mind and start pushing around any confident thoughts that you just happen to be entertaining of escaping the rat race. As a result your mood can change in the blink of an eye. But, as with any bully, the only way to deal with them effectively is to stand up and show your strength.
Just prior to leaving my corporate job I generally felt confident that 2007 would be my year of personal freedom and success. I would vindicate myself against any naysayers and show them all that life did exist outside the cubicle. However, quietly lurking in the background lay some fears that unfortunately materialised within the first few months of leaving my job.
These included…
Loneliness
The very reason why I managed to survive in my corporate job was because I enjoyed the daily interaction with my colleagues many of whom are also my friends. One day I’m surrounded by 200 colleagues working, gossiping, sometimes arguing; the next I’m sitting on my own, in a one bed flat, in front of my laptop that wouldn’t play ball. The silence was almost deafening!
Loss Of Identity
Don’t you find that many people, when asked to describe who they are, reveal what they do for a living as one of the first things they say? For example, “Hi, I’m greg and I work in finance.” When I left the rat race, I was no longer part of the powerful corporate tribe and that lack of association left me in limbo for a while, not really knowing where I belonged or how to answer this question.
Am I 100% Ready To Leave?
A combination of the two above-mentioned points plus the fact that my business didn’t get off to the best of starts confirmed my fear that I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was prior to leaving my job.
Here’s what I did to overcome my fears…
#1 Think Of Friends And Family
To combat some of the initial loneliness, I started to think of how I felt when surrounded by my best friends and my family. I’d picture the smiles on their faces and hear the stories and jokes we’d tell each other - I allowed all those good feelings to fill me from head to toe. Being surrounded by the people close to me in my mind gave me comfort. To add to this I took my misbehaving laptop and wandered down to the local coffee shop for a couple hours a day.
#2 Create A “Who am I?” List
I realised that when I left my job I needed to almost rebuild my identity - my true self - without the mask of the corporate drone. It meant writing a list for myself of who I am which included…
* Where I’m from and where I live
* Who my relatives and friends are
* My hobbies and interests
* My values
* My strengths and weaknesses
* My previous life experiences
When I’d finished my list I was able to differentiate my own identity from the image, values and belief system of a successful and powerful company.
#3 Hire A Coach
As it happened, to help me prepare to leave my job and set up my business, I had already begun to work with my coach but I didn’t always listen to the advice she was giving me! A coach, who has achieved all the things you’d like to achieve, will help you understand just how much work and preparation it takes to leave the rat race and build a life as a Location Independent Professional.
If you’re considering leaving or are in the process of escaping the rat race what are your current fears? And how do you plan to overcome them?
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Another way to combat the loneliness and loss of identity is to establish or join your own tribe of like minded people outside of work. I’ve successfully done that in my area of expertise (.NET programming), and its worked out very well. Hanging out with those in the area your working, as well as setting up a message board, IM, etc. to keep in touch with those not in the area can help to bring together a new group of people that provides a new tribe/mastermind group to identify with.
I really appreciate this advice. In the 4 Hour Workweek, Tim talks about a process called “fearcasting” where you basically imagine the worst possible scenario you can and then figure your way out of it.
His example basically ended with him having all of his stored possessions stolen or vandalized, sitting alone in the rain on a freezing Irish shore! Pretty pathetic, but he realized that he could find a job and get himself out of trouble pretty quickly if needed.
I’m working my way through this process right now, and it’s become pretty enlightening.
On the identity question, last month I lost my job. (This was one of the key events propelling me into freelancing.) That night I was out and talking to a new acquaintance who asked me what I did. I was stumped. I had no job, and therefore no answer. Then I realized that I could say, with all honesty, “I’m a performance artist with a solo show.” That really was all I had that I could call a job.
It was the first time I felt right about calling myself that, though I’ve since changed my title to artist/entrepreneur. I haven’t looked back since. Very freeing.
Hi Greg…
It’s amazing how our true identity can be masked by the corporate screen!!! How healthy to be able to re-evaluate who and what you are - with the glasses off so to speak…
My current fear is that as I’m working alone in a forgeign country I won’t be able to engage with the community here in the same way as I would if I was working in the dive industry say…..
I’m over coming that by trying to get involved with projects here where I’m staying too….
Where are you at the moment by the way… I remember reading your plans and itinery… are you on the road now??
I agree with Chris - it’s important to re-create a new tribe (or set of tribes) for yourself to plug that gap you lose when you leave the world of employment. It can be hard work and it takes time but it’s worth it.
Great post, Greg, thank you - I really enjoyed this
Hi all - it’s a great post isn’t it?
I personally found the loss of identity a hard one to cope with when I left the rat race - having been a corporate high flyer, used to people being impressed when I said what I did and who I worked for - the transition to working for myself was a big shock. Took me a long while to work out “what I was” in terms of a job title. Of course, now I just say I’m a LIP which usually generates curiosity and interest!!
@NeverTheSameRiverTwice - it’s interesting you (and Tim) talk about fearcasting. It’s something I’ve always done internally to cope with challenges and fears in my life but never been that aware of doing it.
It really came to the fore when the worst possible fear I could ever have imagined in my life (my Mum dying) actually came true. The fact that I survived and actually got stronger from that has made a huge difference in my approach to many things in life…in fact I think it’s one of the reasons why doing what we did didn’t seem so scary at the time.
@Freebirdpro - Greg’s not quite on the road yet - he leaves his apartment in a couple of weeks I believe and then flys to Switzerland beg. of March. Exciting times for all!!
Hi Freebirdpro,
As Lea says, our plans have changed somewhat! Luckily we hadn’t made any firm commitments e.g. plane tickets and short let deposits. We were desperately disappointed to have to change our plans but we ultimately knew that we had to remain flexible during our first LIP year. Spending a few months in the Swiss Alps to begin with is not such a bad alternative!
I have no idea how I stumbled on this page (really!) but there’s some interesting discussions here. I fell out of the rat race a couple of years back and since then have endured something of a personal nightmare. My strong academic record and 7-year blue chip background counts for very little now since my last 12 months have been spent largely unemployed. I have no identity any more (I agree wholeheartedly with the “loss of identity” comment) and I have lost all sense of direction and virtually all self-esteem. It’s very frustrating - I’d love nothing more than to find my calling in life and take a wholehearted leap into a new world. But it’s just not happening. I really wish I could find some direction and someone would give me a chance. People who have these things may take them for granted but, in all honesty, do not realise how fortunate they are.
A sobering word of warning for anyone who reads this: the corporate treadmill may be dull, and you may be hearing that constant nagging voice that tells you there’s more to life. That may be so, but be careful. Things really can get even worse if you dare to break free.
Hi Neil,
I’m sorry to hear about your situation. And I do agree with you that running your own business or freelancing is not for the faint-hearted.
I know that my own sense of direction, self esteem and confidence took a massive hit in the middle of last year and it’s not a pretty place to be, so I do feel for you.
Whilst I know little about your personal circumstances, you must be surviving somehow at the moment….Is there a person you can absolutely trust to give you some straight and honest feedback and advice? Perhaps they could evaluate your current skillset (and your strengths and weaknesses) and how you could make use of it or expand it….it helps to get a fresh perspective on things.
Another question that you might have already read in previous posts on this blog is this: “What would you do if you had no fear?” It’s worth thinking hard about the answer (s) and what ideas, inspirations, realisations and emotions may come of it.
I wish you the best of luck Neil and hope a brighter day will come for you, which it surely will.
Greg
Wow, this is a very interesting discussion.
Maybe I was just born with a feisty spirit or something but when I left the rat race, the only thing that I feared was what will my parents think of me - I was 23 when I jumped out of the bandwagon. I wasn’t ready how to tell them about my decision.
A few months later, when I’ve discovered my niche, I no longer have any doubts and fears.
Thanks for taking the time to reply Greg, much appreciated. I think you’re right to suggest that a third party perspective is important, although (at risk of sounding negative) this hasn’t got me too far previously. Part of the problem is that I’m a natural all-rounder without a dominant skillset, so deciding which way to go becomes so much harder. Also, given my strong record of achievement in the past, I feel so much pressure to “be successful” - and that in itself is like a millstone around my neck. I must emphasise that this pressure comes entirely from within, and is therefore of my own making. My support group just want to see me happy, and that’s pretty much all I want too.
Detaching yourself from fears is also a good exercise, although I still don’t know how to answer that question. Whether that’s due to a complete lack of values, lack of passion or an immovable object preventing me from thinking along these lines, I simply don’t know.
Finally - I’d like to apologise, I feel that I have hijacked this thread somewhat. I do feel though that my situation has some valuable lessons for people to learn if they’re thinking of cutting those ankle shackles… the harsh reality is that there are problems associated with realising dreams of freedom every bit as much as there are those associated with grinding along on the corporate treadmill.
Neil - I can definitely empathise with you.
I’m somewhat of a natural all-rounder too and (without meaning to sound big-headed, altho I’m sure it will), I often excel at anything I put my mind to…the problem is often deciding what to put my mind to. I also have that sense of “pressure” and wanting to get to the top…or not necessarily so much that, but certainly wanting to fulfill my potential. In fact, that’s my biggest fear…not ever fulfilling the potential I know I have.
Have you ever considered working with a professional coach? I can recommend some excellent ones if you are interested - just email me…and relatively affordable too. As a former mgt. consultant, I never had much time for any of that stuff - but since leaving that environment can see how positive it can be if you work with the right person.
I think you are dead right…leaving the rat race for “dreams of freedom” is difficult…leaving it to do something specific is often much easier - even if that something is quite right to begin with. That’s how I ended up going from consulting to personal training to health coaching to business coaching to this!….but having that specific route to follow when I left was crucial even if it’s not what I’m doing now…there’s been a very logical progression to it. Without a specific dream to go to, it can be a very difficult transition.
Lea - thank you for the reply. I sent you an email about those coaches - did you receive it?
And by the way, you didn’t sound big headed at all, I am much the same when it comes to versatility. And that fear of underachievement is a very familiar friend (or should that be enemy?)
Hi Neil - no didn’t receive the email but our internet has been down for a day or so, so it may have got lost. If your email address is correct that you’ve used to post your comment, I’ll just send you an email to there…if not, drop me another one!
Hi and thanks for the post!
I’m considering to work with a professional coach
But… I wish to know, since I’m italian, if there could be troubles by hiring a coach from a foreign country. I think there isn’t any problem if we talk the same language (english for example).
But I think there could be practical aspects to consider: I’m under my country’s laws, I’m not under the coach’s country’s laws; could that be a problem?
Maybe, I have that doubt because I’m not sure about the differences between a coach and a consultant; could you clarify them?
Thanks a lot!
Bye, Rod
Hi Rod,
Thanks for your comments and questions.
To answer your second question first, a typical life coach will help their client perform a new task e.g. make a presentation to 200 people, or improve their performance in their chosen field, develop a new skill or solve a problem. In more general terms, many people are turning to coaches to find direction and balance in their lives.
There are different types of coaches that focus on different fields such as business, wellbeing, business executives. Whilst the coaching relationship between coach and client is a collaborative one the responsibility is on the part of the client to take action. The coach generally doesn’t do any of the “doing”. Good coaches generally have a coaching qualification and/or they might use techniques such as NLP.
On the other hand a consultant is usually hired by their client to do something specific for them e.g. develop and implement a business and marketing strategy. A consultant is hired based on their experience and expertise in that particular field.
The answer to your first question depends on what kind of coach you’d like to hire. If you require your coach to know about Iocal Italian laws that concern marriage, money or business perhaps it’s best to hire someone local. Otherwise I think any good english speaking coach could help you.
If you have any further questions feel free to email me on ghollings@gmail.com and I’d be happy to help you out!
Good luck!
Greg
Hi Greg,
I appreciate your comments on my blog (lonetreecoach.blogspot.com) and thought I’d look you and Lea up. Your article about fears was really outstanding. I can totally relate. It’s tough to take that leap but well worth it.
I’d love to chat with you sometime to learn more about you. Keep blogging and feel free to check in with me every so often. I love the feedback. It’s nice to know someone is actually reading my words.
Michelle
Hi Greg,
This is a very interesting article you have wrote.
I plan myself to escape this race. I build an online business with many streams of income to rely on. I plan to leave when my financial situation will be confortable, i.e. all my debts and mortgage paid back, to minimize financial stress. I am fortunate to be able to build my business while I am in the corporate world. But this situation takes lots of my time, but I know it is temporary. I am also fortunate to have dedicated business partners and associates (we work all together…) in my business ventures, so I am not alone.
Also, I think it is important to have a purpose tied to your business. Or you can use your business as a financial tool to leverage your situation for something higher, or for projects you want to acheive. One of mine is related to philanthropic causes where I want to bring my personal contributions and help others. And of course, I plan to have more time for my friends, family, leisures I really like and to travel around the world.
I am also fortunate that in a near future, I will be able to run my business part time and have time for what really matters to me and have freedom (time and money) to do whatever I want. So projects, dreams and anticipation are critical, it help to list them on a papersheet.
Thanks you!
Yan Fortin, Montreal, Canada