Feb
How To Travel The World Working With Your Other Half And Not Split Up (Or Kill Each Other)
Photo by nattu
Experiencing thrilling new things together, sharing moonlight walks along the coast and candlelight dinners on the beach…travelling with your other half is one way to spice up a relationship or solidify an already strong one.
On the other hand the stress of moving around constantly, agreeing where to go next, living in less than ideal apartments and being in each others pockets the whole time could see you going your own separate ways.
As teenage sweethearts (we’ve been together for 13 years and married for 4) , we’ve been travelling together several times before. This time however is the longest….we’ve spent 12 months travelling, living and working together in each others pockets - and the “D” word has only been mentioned a couple of times (both times in Buenos Aires - one reason we left early!).
Anyone who’s ever had a relationship will know that it can be hard work…as location independent professionals and working nomads, you’ll be exposing your relationship to even more unique challenges…
The Challenges
Close proximity
This is one we were already used to since we had been working at home together for the 12-18 months prior to leaving the UK. If that’s not the case for you however, then be prepared to work on issues that may arise from simply being around each other for 24 hours a day, every day!
No buffers
Not being in your home town means you won’t be surrounded by friends and/or family to whom you might be used to seeing and (whether you realised it or not), may have acted as buffers in your relationship. Even if this isn’t the case, unless you’re good at quickly making friends on the road, you’ll no longer have your mate down the road to pop in and see when you need a good chin wag or to escape the house for a bit.
Unexpected behaviour
If you’ve never really spent much time in each other’s company (and even when you have), the experience of travelling can bring out all sorts of odd quirks in behaviour that you’ve never seen in your partner before. Some of these can be endearing, whilst others may be less so!
Itinerary disagreements
One of the hardest arguments to settle…where do you go? Fortunately J’s geography isn’t that great so I can largely suggest a place and know which buttons to push to get him to agree!! However if you both have very clear ideas about where you want to go - and they’re on different sides of the earth - then some compromise is going to be required.
Changing goals & dreams
There may not be a whole lot you can do about this one but don’t be completely taken off guard if one of you suddenly decides they’ve had enough of travelling permanently and wants to settle down; or one of you gets broody and decides it’s time to have kids; or one of you was so inspired by a place, that you want to become a missionary in outer Mongolia. Travelling the world ignites different things in different people - and whilst your initial goals and dreams may have started off the same, there’s no telling what the experiences you go through might do to you.
Suggested Solutions
Make friends
This is easier said than done when you’re on the go and can be one of the drawbacks of the location independent life. Ask any traveller who’s walked into the social room of a backpacker hostel to be faced with little cliques of stony-faced people, how hard it can be to make ‘real’ friends on the road!
Trying out new hobbies is a good way to meet people - as is taking some group tours (even though many die-hard travellers will hate this suggestion). Don’t forget also that the online social networks can be a great community to escape to when you’re sick of just talking to your other half.
Spend time apart
When cabin fever sets in or you’re sick of the sight of each other, then consider spending some time apart. This may be for a solo cup of coffee, a few hours or you could even consider taking side trips separately. You’re often more inclined to be more sociable and chat to others when you travel solo than in a couple - so it’s a great way to meet people and make friends.
Agree your roles & responsibilities
I’m in charge of sorting out pre-arrival arrangements such as scheduling flights, researching and booking accommodation; J is in charge of organising everything on location (bike/car hire, trips etc.). This way not only do we both know what our responsibilities are and that they’re divided fairly evenly - we are both fully involved and engaged in what we’re doing rather than leaving it to just one person to organise.
Swap roles
Having tried the previous suggestion, it’s also sometimes a good idea to swap roles & responsibilities to understand better what your other half goes through. You may even find the roles suit you better that way.
Have a strategy for dealing with stressful situations
One of the best ways to deal with arguments and stressful situations is to agree how to deal with them before you’re in one. If your arguments usually dissolve into name-calling and insults, then perhaps agree that one of you will walk away or that you’ll take turns in backing down and making peace. Whatever your solution, it’s best to talk about it first, when you’re not in the middle of an argument.
Consider each destination carefully
There’s nothing worse than one of you loving a place and the other not being happy at all. If you know your partner hates secluded islands and beaches, then don’t bamboozle or con them into thinking there will be plenty of other things to do on a tiny Caribbean island - it’s likely to end in tears. Be honest with each other about what you do and don’t like and try and agree on a compromise…and if you really can’t then perhaps agree to spend a month in a place they’re desperate to go to in return for them doing the same for you.
Deals & manipulation
This come straight from “The Woodward’s Guide To A Successful Marriage” - neither of us in under any illusion that the other knows just how to manipulate situations to get what we both want. We constantly make deals with each other and are forever negotiating and re-negotiating along the lines of “Well, if we go to my favourite restaurant instead of yours tonight, then I’ll do the pots for a week” or “If we walk this way along the beach this morning, then we’ll walk that way along the beach for the next 3 days”.
Communicate, communicate, communicate
J and I can talk endlessly about nothing; but we also have regular (daily) business meetings to discuss what we’ve both got on, brainstorm ideas and plot our strategies. Even when we’ve spent all day together, we’ll lie in bed chatting about stuff before we go to sleep. This may not work for every couple but travelling the world together and running a business/earning an income whilst you do, means that you will absolutely, positively have to get along together and communicate about everything…and I mean everything!
Becoming location independent with your partner is one of the most exciting and challenging things you might do together. No-one knows what the future of any relationship is, but doing what we do means you are likely to see the best and worst of your partner on your journey.
Expect the unexpected, keep the lines of communication open and not only will your relationship survive…it might even thrive.
Happy Valentine’s Day for Thursday…do share your tips for keeping your relationships alive whilst on the road!
If you liked this post, then why not subscribe to our feed for more tips on how to live a location independent life - and travel the world whilst earning an income.
If you enjoyed this post, maybe you'd like to subscribe to our RSS feed so you don't miss any future posts. Thanks for visiting!
Related posts:
- How To Deal With Friends And Family Who Rain On Your Parade When You Decide To Travel The World As A Web Worker
- How To Put Your Business On Autopilot Whilst You Travel The World As A Web Worker
- The Impracticalities Of Working From Anywhere
- Challenges Of Travelling The World
- Keeping Your Stuff Safe: Security Tips for Location Independent Professionals Who Travel
Oddly enough, as a retirement coach and trainer, I see that so many of these challenges apply to recently retired couples too! Thanks for such an insightful post.
Hi Ann - yes you’re right - I hadn’t thought about that but the circumstances of LIPs travelling and working together are certainly very similar for retiring couples. I guess it’s often the same for many of the big “life changes” we go through…
While traveling we frequently laugh at how many people are unhappy while traveling. It should be a fun experiance. We love it, and what really makes it work for us is that we understand that we don’t have to do everything together.
Doing things seperatly and agreeing to meet up at say dinner gives you a lot to talk about, and gives you that space that you need. Couples will have different intrests so there is no need to force the other to do something that they don’t want. My wife is much more active than me. I would rather golf or take an early morning walk and a nap in the afternoon. She likes to sleep in and be active until the sun goes down. But we always are together in the evening and we always have a lot to talk about.
I would regard myself as an independent traveler, but I have found going on tours to be a great way to meet people. I travel by myself most of the time, so it can be fun sometimes to travel with like minded people.
As Lea wrote, communicate, communicate and communicate!
We use a simple tool - My Day, Your Day - to share the responsibility of the logistical details that neither of us particularly enjoy. It also helps us move on with insignificant decisions (like where to have lunch) so we can focus on more important issues.
Lea,
Great post. Having done a lot of traveling with my wife (we’re also highschool sweethearts), I can attest to the last two of your comments re: communication and negotiation. Strangely, a lot of our conflicts while traveling come from where and how we eat…she’s got a much more narrow range of foods that she likes, so she’s normally the limiting factor on where we can go. But I like to spend more time in museums than she does, so we both have our different demands.
Keep up the great work. I look forward to reading your future articles.
Hi Charlie - fortunately for us, food isn’t one thing we argue about - we both like most things and we LOVE our food!?!?
Nice to hear of other teenage sweethearts - it’s kind of rare these days, don’t you find?
Lea