Jun
The Return Back Home: What To Expect
Photo by Thomas Hawk
I’m writing I wrote this in the UK on our 3rd return ‘home’ since we began our location independent lifestyle.
Each and every time we return, we experience similar things which leave us feeling a range of emotions from frustration and relief to disappointment and joy.
I’m pretty sure we’re not the only ones who feel like this, so this post is for anyone who has just returned or is about to return ‘home’ from being on the road and to let you know that, yes, we know how you feel…
The first feeling we experience is relief…
Relief that the tiring and uncomfortable journey is over and that we’ve arrived, yet again, safely at our destination. Relief that we do indeed know how things work - that there’s no steep learning curve and that everything is familiar, easy and not foreign.
This soon turns to boredom…
Once we realise that familiarity is what we left to escape and when we realise that nothing or no-one has really changed.
Which often leads to frustration…
Because despite the places we’ve been, things we’ve seen and things we’ve learned, very few people are actually interested in talking about it, so wrapped up are they in their own lives.
Many people need to have their own life choices affirmed by others and to have your wayward, different lifestyle thrown in their face may make them feel uncomfortable, threatened and dissatisfied - hence the apparent non-interest in what you do.
Don’t take this personally, instead you’ll probably be wrapped up by…
Feelings of disappointment…
No, not yours but those of some of the people you’ve come to see for whom your short trip is not enough; who are obviously disappointed because you haven’t seen them as much as they’d have liked and who just don’t seem to appreciate the cost & effort you’ve already spent on a trip back ‘home’ to somewhere you’d typically not choose to visit.
But finally, there will be joy…
At the thought of the exciting places to come, the new or favourite places you’ll be visiting and at the prospect of being on the road again.
If this sounds ungrateful, it’s not. We’ve very much enjoyed seeing our friends and family this time back in the UK but as usual, it’s reassured us that we most definitely do not want to live here anymore…and I’m pretty certain other LIPs and vagabonds feel like we do when they return ‘home’.
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I have the same experience when I go home. I wish there was at least one person in my family who likes traveling as much as me.
Totally agree - most people really not care that you have a more interesting life than they do
I found at least now I can hide away with my laptop when the visit gets too boring!
I too am partaking in my 3rd return to England since we started traveling, and my experience is quite different!
Family and friends are all delighted to see us, and keen to find out about our latest adventures, still slightly amazed that we actually took the leap. I find myself saying again and again, that there is nothing special about me or the lifestyle, it is simply a choice — anyone can do it with perseverance; after all it took me several years of lining up all of my personal circumstances to reach a point where it was possible to earn a living while traveling, and not be tied to things left behind while away.
As far as my own emotions, I feel myself being inexorably pulled back into the lifestyle I chose to leave behind: complaining about the ever rising price of living in the UK; annoyed by the never ending onslaught of UK businesses doing everything in their power to separate us from our hard earned money; stressful driving where no-one gives way for you, and you can’t appreciate the journey for the queue of horn blaring, speeding motorists behind me, all obsessed with their destination; having to spend 10 minutes getting my wet weather gear together, and wrapping up warm in leather jacket, biking trousers, boots, gloves and helmet, rather than just throwing a leg over the saddle and firing up the motor to go out on a whim…
There’s no doubt that after 6 months away, it’s terribly nice to be able to see many of the people I care about again. But less than half-way through a 4 week visit, my temples are throbbing and my nerves are frayed. I’m looking forward to unwinding in Thailand already!!
Lea, could you post more details of the spot you stayed at in Thailand? It looks wonderful, and I’d like to check it out.
Lea, I enjoy your adventures and am learning so much from you. I live in Michigan but it still does not feel like “home” to me. I was born here but grew up in California. I like to define “home” by what you carry in your heart rather than location. I think you can feel at home even when you are not home. I also think that if you stay in any one place for a long length of time the frustrations, boredom will inevitably become part of the routine. What do you think?
“Many people need to have their own life choices affirmed by others and to have your wayward, different lifestyle thrown in their face may make them feel uncomfortable, threatened and dissatisfied - hence the apparent non-interest in what you do.”
— hee hee —
and hence, LIPers congregate around sites like LonelyPlanet.com and LocationIndependent.com, and other people do not congregate around those sites
Most important to me is that we are the ones who deepen our understanding of ourselves when we travel.
Other people are like a mirror to us, but nothing we say or do changes anyone else: it only changes our own perceptions.
My God Leah, your article really hit home especially about friends who are just not interested in the places you’ve seen etc, and would much rather tell you about little Johnnies nappy rash or the new sofa they have just bought even though they haven’t seen you for 1 year (or more!). At first I used to feel quite sad about some of the reactions of our friends when we returned home, but now I put it down to the fact that “we” have outgrown them. Maybe before we would have been happy to talk about nappy rash and new sofa’s, whereas now, it is of little or no interest to us.
I have now accepted (after being away from the UK for 8 years) that my life experiences have moved me forward, and unfortunately I’ve left some of my friends behind in the process.
What an interesting thread!
Interesting thoughts! We have been traveling for almost two years without going home ( and do not miss it at all). We are thinking we will have to go back for a short visit sometime after our two year mark and wonder what it will be like.
It will be interesting to compare notes when we do.
I can totally relate! I tend to go home to Canada once every year and a half to two years for varying amounts of time. I’ve decided that going for about 10 days is a perfect amount of time to visit everyone, catch up, soak up some home comforts, recharge my batteries and then get out before it gets too boring and starts to suck the life out of me.
People not being interested in my travels is something I’ve gotten used to and I’ve stopped expecting them to be. I’m not really interested in hearing about house prices or their baby’s sleeping habits which are probably important things in their lives so I wouldn’t expect them to care too much about what’s important to me. Of course there are always exceptions but for the most part I keep my travel tales to myself when I’m at home.
Hi all - sorry for the delay in responding to all the great comments…we’re finally ’settled’ in our new home in SA so back to some business but sadly with even less GB than before (2GB/month!!?!).
@Mike - You’re right, family who want to travel are always interested in what you’ve done/where you’ve been if only to pick your brain for their own travels!
@lissie - We have found ourselves reassuring people that our lives are really quite boring to make them feel better!! A laptop is quite often a godsend
@Gaz - Glad to hear you have found the opposite with friends & family- some of ours really aren’t bad at all, it’s just the odd one or two! I know exactly what you mean about being pulled back into the lifestyle - and the moaning, don’t get me started on the moaning. Why are Brits so moan-y about *everything*??? I’ll try and post something on one of our blogs about where we stayed in Thailand. Looks lovely but a couple of things you need to know about it!!
@Karen Swim - I agree, ‘home’ can definitely be found in many places although we’ve found that some places just have a feeling about them which feels more home-y than others. Can’t put my finger on it but some places just feel more ‘us’ than others. I think you have to make a real effort if you stay in one place to keep things fresh, try new places, do different things to prevent the boredom…I’m not so good at that so instead I find it easier to move to a different place LOL!!!
@Monica - I have long given up trying to change anyone (except perhaps the husband!!) because for change to happen a person has to want it themselves and even then, it’s not always enough. You are absolutely right - travel deepens our understanding of ourselves and others, it’s one of the unexpected benefits I’ve found of our lifestyle.
@Vanessa - I know what you mean and we find the same, especially with friends/family who’ve had kids in the mean time. Their lives have moved forwards in a totally different way to ours/yours and unfortunately the two ‘interestes’ often don’t fit. Looking on the bright side however, we’ve made lots of new friends whose lifestyles do fit with ours and share similar experiences - plus of course there’s all of you lot who we can share everything with
Wow, how timely! I’m reading this from my parents’ house. This is the first time back since I moved abroad just over a year ago, and so far I’ve been a little disappointed with some people’s apparent lack of interest in my life in Argentina, but am trying not to expect too much - and I’m also recognizing that if they did talk about it more, it would probably be to question my choices and wonder when I’m moving back, so maybe it’s better to not even go there!
I have about five more weeks left in the US, and even though there is plenty to do - lots of people to visit up and down the east coast, a few work projects thrown in, etc. - I am sure I will be antsy to leave come mid-July!
Hi Lea, I can related to some of these feelings and because of that your words drew me into the reality of the situation. Whereas from the outside independent living feels wonderful, to have to come back to see people who have not and dont want to change, and also seem to be so fixated by their own issues must be an inspiration in itself to get straight back on the plane.
The fimiliarity that turns to boredom.. its like when you return you are glad and relaxed for a bit, but not for long. The fimiliarity reminds you why you went away in the first place.
This reminds me of why I upped and left my home ‘town’ years ago and rarely wanted to return. Nothing has changed, except there are 10 times more people in the same area, none of which I recognise. I might aswell be on the other side of the world, except for my old ma and pa who are the same as they’ve always been.
But for me? well it looks like I have taken a big step towards creating my own independent living with a business deal that is big enough to make a lot of changes in my life. So I am very happy and the years of being skint have made it worth it because I am that step nearer to starting my independent living, albeit at school holiday times only for starters :O)
All the best Lea..
btw, Panama? :O) remember? :O)
Why would you expect them to be overly interested in hearing about your wonderful adventures traveling around the globe while they have been working the 9-5 in the routine of typical life? How much interest have you displayed in what they have been up to, and Johnny’s rash (may seem trivial to you, but it is not to them). People in general prefer to talk about themselves and what they are interested in.
I have been on both sides of the coin, when I was in University my friends who chose to travel would come home with their tales of adventure. I was interested, but it made me feel that I should be out there and I guess kind of jelous. Now I travel frequently and will be visiting home in a couple of weeks. I guess things have flipped, but I do not expect a captive audience and I dont expect that they will want to hear about the paradise islands I have been visiting while they were working the same old job that they were when I left.
Any way, I just want to say that you should keep in mind that many of these people are envious and that they may not want to be reminded of the fact. Also, I think that you need to be just as interested in what is hapening in their life if you expect them to want to hear about yours.
@kron - We don’t expect a captive audience, just a little bit of interest and reciprocity (in some cases) might be nice. What we’ve found is that we spend ages listening to others tales & life stories, asking questions, showing an interest etc. etc. but that this is then very often not returned nor reciprocated. You made a good point though - it should be quid pro quo on both sides.
Kron, I think you have missed the point. Lea isn’t saying she isn’t interested in other individuals. The observation is that people are so sucked into their narrow lives that they can’t accept anyone is doing something far more rewarding, and they have an issue with it because they know their lives are so unrewarding.
I would like to think that little me, sitting in my little village would be fascinated by someone’s story of life outside my own.
Tonight I met a guy who has had an interesting life and he was fascinating. I didn’t use the experience to try to bolster up the flat-ness of my own current life, but enjoyed understanding his and shared some of the better times of my own.
Perhaps my statement came across a little more critical than I had meant it to be. I just wanted to play the devil’s advocate; I have witnessed people coming back from travel and that is all they want to talk about. I dont blame them for wanting to share their stories, and I am interested to hear them. However, it is human nature to be more involved in yourself than in others, and it is necessary to take interest in what your friends have been up to while you were away. I just feel that many people that travel return with an air of superiority, believing that their adventures take precedence over the mundane life of the people that they left behind and they often do give off the feeling that they do not care much for what has been happening at home. To me it is kind of like an old friend that has become very rich coming home and telling you about his yacht, his mansion, etc.
I think that it is only polite to make an effort not to make people feel bad about the lack of adventure in their life. There are many people that would love to drop everything and travel around the world but are not in a position to do so. Personally, I try to speak of my travels only if asked about it (although being human I do sometimes bring it up).